Questioning God

The “feels like” temperature is currently 111 degrees (43.9 celsius). It’s crazy when 95 degrees feels like a nice spring day!

The other day, I went to go visit a young guy named Noe who is bed-ridden. He was shot 3 or 4 years ago, and is now paralyzed from the waist down. He has a wheelchair, but rarely leaves, and spends most of his days in his bed. Even when its 111 degrees. And yet, he is one of the most faith-filled, encouraging, and joyful people that I know! There was a medical brigade down here last week, a group of about 30 doctors that came down from the US to perform surgeries, completely for free. This occurs about once every two months, and people travel from up to 5 or 6 hours away to come here and receive free surgeries. Noe actually received a surgery during one of these brigades – one of the 8 surgeries he’s had in the past 3 years. Now he goes to visit people in the rooms, hearing their fears and concerns, and praying with them and encouraging them that everything will be just fine. To me, this young guy is a saint. He’s doing exactly what Jesus did – turning one of the most horrible things imaginable (the cross) in to something that brings life to others (the resurrection).

I visited him with another friend, and we got to talking about the US, and its strict border laws. My friend with me began to tell us the story of how his father went to the US to find work and send money home to support his family here. He paid a coyote (a “guide” who brings you across the border illegally), and went with a big group across the border in Texas. They successfully crossed the border, and then spent three days trekking across the desert, with little to eat or drink. They encountered human bones, and had to wear PVC pipes on their shins to protect from snakes. At one point when one woman could go no further, the “coyote” told them to just leave her – my friend’s dad and another carried her the rest of the way across the desert. He eventually reached New York, where his brother was staying, and moved in with him….for one day. Somehow the cops found out, and busted in unexpectedly the day after he arrived. They carted him off to immigration, aka jail, and he had no idea how long he would be there. Sometimes people stay a week, others a year. His family had no word from him for the next 3 months while he was stuck in jail; finally he was allowed to leave and go back to Honduras.

After my friend finished this story, he asked me if it was difficult for me to be to travel to Europe when I studied there. Noe answered for me – “It’s not hard for Americans to travel anywhere. The world is open to them.” How true is that; and how unjust! People from the US and other so-called “privileged” countries can travel wherever they want, while someone from Honduras is suspect at every turn. They have to prove that they have at least $7,500 in the bank to even be considered able to enter in the US! I don’t say all this to get in to politics and all of that; I know there are reasons for laws, etc. But it all just seems so unjust and unfair.

Something more – we had a TON of trash last week, so I and another missionary where taking it all out. We have a big box outside with a lock on it, where we keep our trash. I never knew why we had to lock up our trash….who’s gonna steal it?! Well, I found out this week. We had so much trash that it didn’t fit in to our box, so I put 5 or 6 bags on top of the box, and called it a day. Our director saw it, and told me we can’t do that. If the people in our neighborhood see a trashbag outside, they will immediately come and tear it open, looking for valuables or things to recycle. I was shocked. Although I have never actually seen this happening, I’ve heard many stories. Once I was visiting a family, and they told me that they don’t go to Mass on Sundays because they go out as a family to look through trash all day.

Why God? These are just a few stories of injustice. How many thousands, millions more are there? What can we do, really? How do we heal a world that is so broken, that has built itself on a foundation of injustice and death, and is bound to crumble? Why are some born in to the “privileged” world, while others have to sift through trash?

It’s so easy, in the face of so much darkness, to give up, to lose hope. It’s true, we really can’t change much. We can’t change the structures of countries and governments that allow some to live in excess while others live with nothing. The one thing we can change is ourselves. If I can change myself for the better, maybe I will inspire others to do the same.

There’s a song I like that starts off by asking God why He allows these things to happen. The singer asks God, “When are you going to do something?” And He replies, “I did. I made you.” So with faith that Jesus has already conquered death and evil, and that He will continue to do so every day, through us more than anything else, let us go forth, perfecting ourselves and our faults, so as to perfect the world.

Let us pray: Give me Lord, a faith that is deeper than feelings or consolation; a faith that truly believes in Your merciful and loving presence with me at all times, and that strives to live a life that conforms with this faith. Give me, Lord, a hope that withstands all trials and supports me through darkness, that in the face of so much suffering and madness will always stand firm and say: “Courage! God is here.” Give me, Lord, a love that has no boundaries and no exceptions; that forgets self and looks out to others first; that knows deeply that we are all one body, and because of this knowledge flees with a burning haste to heal and nourish those parts of the body that are hurting most – even those in our own back yard. Give me a heart after Your own Heart, Lord, meek and humble. How amazing it is Lord: You have a Heart! Mary, whose heart most resembles that of your Son, make our hearts like His – full of hope, and open to a world who needs His comfort and light! Amen.

“Venid a mi todos los que estais fatigados y sobrecargados, y yo os dare descanso.”

“Come to me, all you who are weary and overburdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)